Lonewolf's World of Sorrow

Not what I had expected…

lonewolf09 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 13:34:25 +0000

Okay, things did not go well recently. I found out something that I wasn’t supposed to find out. Man, it’s deja vu all over again. Ouch. Well, just yesterday she told me that the plan of her and her friends of watching New Moon might not push through, and of course, as I wanted to watch the damn movie with her, I asked if I she could go with me in case that they would not continue. well, she said yes. After her class just this morning, I asked her where she would go. She said that she would just accompany her friend in buying a dress. Later, I found out that they planned to watch NEW MOON, without telling. I can’t believe she hid that from me. I would have understand if she didn’t want to go with me. This sucks. This feeling sucks. I wish I just didn’t find out about it. She should have told me about it earlier so that I would not waste my time, waiting for something that would never come. DAMN IT! if she doesn’t like me, then why didn’t she just say it in the first place? Instead, she plays these stupid mind games with me, that she thinks is so funny… Argh… I’m hurt, I’m broken, and down to earth right now. I wish I could just recover from the shock I’ve experienced although it’s not going to be easy. Now I texted her about this matter, that I found out about their plan. I don’t know what am I supposed to feel: to be angry, sad, wasted, sorrowful… I just don’t feel okay right now. Up to this minute, she still hasn’t replied. This ultimately SUCKS!!! I guess I just wasn’t cut out for her… Gosh, I’m feeling emo right now.. Until then. hope things would all be alright..

Like a stake driven through my heart

lonewolf09 — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:05:19 +0000

As soon as things get better, a sudden fall out occurs… The unthinkable happens. I didn’t know this would happen sooner. I am starting to speculate that she doesn’t like me anymore. It’s just that ever since she hasn’t been sweet with me, I feel a sudden emptiness in my heart. I don’t know if this would be just a minor breakdown or if it’s for good, but still, it’s dragging me to the ground. Honestly, I love her and I would give all of my life to be with her. And now, it seems that she thinks of me not more than just a friend. Does love just wear out like that? This really sucks for me right now. This stinking feeling that I have in my gut, and is tearing my heart apart. I should have moved in when I had the chance, but I guess I blew it. Now, I leave it all to destiny whether it will decide that we should be together, or go our own separate ways. I have no choice but to endure this until I find out the truth.

This thursday, during our so-called “date”, I plan to confess my feelings with her, the feelings that I should have imparted a long time ago. Only then will my curiosity be silenced. I have to prepare for what her decision will be, and more importantly I have to be prepared for the worst. Could I handle a heavy load that will leave a scar in my heart that would last forever? I am not that sort of person that would hurt himself because of some scrutinizing pain that profaned his emotions, but some thoughts of that have sometimes occurred in my mind. I just don’t seem to have the guts to deal with my problems and consult them directly. I should say that I am weak, and sometimes I think that I am worthless. I don’t know what to do, my heart is full of heavy emotions right now, and I can’t think straight will all these thoughts that are running in my head. THOSE DAMN VOICES TELLING ME TO GIVE UP ON HER WHILE IT’S STILL NOT TOO LATE. But, I do not want to unless she tells me otherwise. It was really helpful for me to have this blog, that I can bring up all this raw emotions that were harnessed by darkness into writing. Somehow, it felt enlightening, but still, if I have to get rid of this totally, I should find out the truth. Only then will I be in peace.

That Damn “L” Word

lonewolf09 — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:53:42 +0000

Okay, let’s get down to business. I made this blog not to share it with the world but to help me get rid of this emotions I keep holding inside. All the sorrow, heart-aches and all kinds off negative influences that are bringing me down, i put into writing here. So if anyone reads this, please pardon the things that I will write, for i have thought of no other way to get rid of these thoughts but through this.

Of all the things that could happen to me, I guess I could say that I am in love. See, there is this girl that I really like, and I think I am confused at the same time. This girl, I have been admiring for almost a year now and I have been able to talk to her up to now through text messaging and the net. I can’t get the feeling why do I feel worried. Since I got hold of her contact and we’re keeping in touch for these past few days. I don’t know, I can’t explain these emotions that I have but it keeps getting me worried. I have so many things going on in my mind. I can’t believe that I am this much sensitive, when some guy talks to her, i feel jealous, i know I’m not in the right place to feel this, but I couldn’t help it. I know for a fact that she has her problems of her own, I want to help her with it. I want to make her happy, I would do anything just to see a smile on her face. I feel so helpless. Now she won’t even reply to me when I asked her about her problem. I guess it would have been better if I hadn’t butt in. It was none of my business. Right now, I have bigger problems than this: school, friends, family, but this thought keeps running through my mind. Argh… I wish I could just hide in my own world, run away from my problems, but I know it’s not the right thing to do. I have to face this on my own, if I want to get through this, i have to confront this big roadblock on my path. But now is not the right time to do this, I have to admit, I’m still weak, I still can’t handle this. It has to take time and I would be ready when that happens.

I know all that I have written above are kind off unorganized, I’m just making this up as I go along, on the flipside, I do feel enlightened, letting these thing out in here. I just hope that there will be a bright future towards me…

“Is love just a pigment of one’s imagination? Is it one of those illusions that people create in their own minds just to keep them out of the grief and despair in this world?”

-End of Transmission-

Hello world!

lonewolf09 — Mon, 26 May 2008 07:34:41 +0000

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